I've been missing her all week. The other cats, while enjoying the calmer atmosphere, are missing her too. I'm going to miss her for a very long time.
I've had trouble writing about my Pretty Kittypuss Cat because I've been struggling with right and wrong; good and evil and problem solving.
As I wrote
here, Kittypuss had been stalking the other cats since day one and I can't explain it. Perhaps she was jealous, in pain with arthritis or some other mystery illness that wasn't apparent or perhaps, under the stress of living with so many other cats, she simply reverted to her wild state.
When I brought her home as a 10 month old kitten, Kittypuss was very difficult to manage. She was wild and untrained, but was said to have come from a home with another cat which she had terrorised and the owner had to give her up.
In spite of her early life, once it was just the two of us, for six years, Kittypuss became my best friend; witness to all my secrets; but it took a full year before she made the move from sitting or lying on the blanket beside me on the couch to the warmer spot on my lap.
Kittypuss suffered my absences while I travelled interstate for work; staying with my mother, sister or friends. They treated her very well and Kitty came to understand that while I went away, I always came back. Nonetheless it must have been unsettling for her.
Once, in the misguided belief that Kitty might like company, I adopted another kitten from the RSPCA but after one weekend had to return him because Kitty chased him down and attacked him. I guess that old habits die hard and I should have known that she wouldn't mix well with other cats.
Until I met my husband, Kittypuss always slept on my bed with me. Her sleeping spot, after six years, had to change but I think she handled that quite well. Moving house and having to live with Felix first, then Lillipilli, Sascha and Snuffly too was, I think, simply too much stress for her to cope with.
When the stalking and aggression turned into outright attacks on Felix and Sascha, I became very concerned. The specialist vet advised me that Kitty's behaviour would no doubt become worse and at that time I searched for another home for her, after deciding that I couldn't risk more injuries to the other cats. Partly because of her age and temperament of course, I couldn't find another home apart from a cat home for unwanted cats with a "no kill" policy. Attractive as an option but I've seen that place and I couldn't put Kittypuss there; I know she would have been miserable. I also believe that she would have been miserable almost anywhere if I wasn't with her.
Almost six months have passed since then but last Friday, Kittypuss attacked Felix twice and Sascha three times in the same morning. She had been fed so the attacks were not over food. She chased Sascha through the house at high speed. Sascha is fast but Kitty was fast too. When Sascha received another gash at the corner of her eye, for me it was the last straw. I knew what I simply had to do, as awful as it was. My mother and I were talking on the phone and my mother advised that I needed to "bite the bullet" and do what was necessary. Unfortunately, I had to agree with her.
I rang the vet and then took my beautiful but wild Kittypuss in to them to be "euthanased", "put to sleep", "killed". It was a terrible day and worse because my pusscat knew something was upsetting me and she cried in the car all the way to the surgery. I feel even more guilty because I left her there since the vet had to attend to an emergency surgery and couldn't see us straight away. I should have held her while she died and I didn't. I'll probably never forgive myself for that.
Kittypuss spent 12 years and 6 days on this earth and 11 and a half years of that time with me, most of it happily, sitting on my lap or in my company.
Rest in Peace Kitty Girl; you were and still are, so loved.
